Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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