3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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