so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
