thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
