i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
