Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
whose parrot is this?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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