All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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