I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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