Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
