left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
