I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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