either way he was missing a nipple.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
