look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize