I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize