By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here