I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect