god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
