My friends, they love my intelligence
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.