I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult