I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷