Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
