haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
