I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
not ubering you a puppy
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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