I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
