id be glad to
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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