jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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