Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
