We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
