if i can run in heels then i can drive
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
