He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
