My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
