I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
