he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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