I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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