maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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