Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
