This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
