I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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