i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
