Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
