my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
