I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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