Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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