There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
