Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
