Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
