I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
