the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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