there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The power of my boobs compel you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
