To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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