Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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