Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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