how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you win again, gameday.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
