Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
