It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
