is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
