I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
