Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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