Got a toothbrush?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
