Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
