He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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