you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
