I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
