kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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