I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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