Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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