I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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