Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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