Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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