dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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