Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
