What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
