the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
