forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
