He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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