and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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