we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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