1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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