I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
