Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
