im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
