I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
